


Tomorrow

by tadojoon (namtae)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Hanahaki Disease, Kinda?, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Taeyong has bad luck sorry lmao, english is not my first language, idk just love youngho and taeil ok, is an induced amnesia, just a bit, something like that??, theres some blood too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:42:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namtae/pseuds/tadojoon
Summary: Youngho woke up.Youngho wanted to end his life.But Taeil didn't let him.(Alternate ending for Geranium, you can read it here: archiveofourown(.)org/works/11708880 )





	Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the second part of Geranium, Tomorrow. Since Youngho didn't want a new tomorrow, this was the title for the story. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it, remember that English is not my first language so it's really hard for me, if you see something weird let me know!
> 
> Next one is going to be a JohnYong smut (my first smut published ////////// oh so embarrassing)

It was really white, the place he was in.

 

On the corners of his eyes he could see little sparkles of color, floating around.

 

When his head started to focus, the form of the sparkling weird floating things became balloons filled with helium, floating on the side of his bed. He tried to ask if someone was there, but his mouth was trapped in a plastic mask, filling his lungs with fresh, vital air. He felt something on his throat too, something rigid, stable. He remembered having a similar sensation of something inside his throat, but his memories were foggy, like it was just a dream. That his brain was tricking him. 

  
  
  


_ Flowers _

 

_ Petals _

 

**_Geranium_ **

 

Why his mind was filled with information about what meaning pink geraniums meant? He didn't remember about looking up about it, and the members had no interest in them. 

 

Also, what happened to him? He was tubed down, in a hospital bed, filled with gifts from fans, from NCT members, sunbaenims, even hoobaes names he could recognize were on all the gifts and “get well soon” cards. His heart monitor raised, the beeping becoming louder. He felt panic rise on his system, trying to remember what was he doing before he woke on the hospital bed.

 

_ Taeil _

 

_ Bathroom _

 

_ Geranium _

 

**_Blood_ **

 

He was in the arms of Taeil, his hyung holding him tightly, screaming at him. Taeil was crying with him, Youngho remembered the tears he felt on his cheeks.

  
  


**_Don't go please, don't pass out Youngho! Don't leave me!_ **

  
  


But he couldn’t remember why was he crying. He couldn’t recall the feeling he had… maybe it was just despair? The feeling of haters judging him? Longing for his home in Chicago? Or was it happy? Maybe about their first win?... 

 

Youngho didn’t notice strong arms holding him close. Didn’t notice the cries from his friends and bandmates outside his room. Didn’t notice the nurse injecting something inside his vial. He started to notice the face of the young man holding him. It was Taeyong, looking like he was passed by a truck…. but still, he was really charming and handsome. It was already late, his mind slipping into darkness again, but at least the last thing he felt on his cheeks now, were the warm hands of his leader, and his tears as well. 

  
  
  


But he couldn’t remember the feeling of being in love with Taeyong.

  
  
  


When Youngho woke up again, the tube was no longer inside him. The balloons still bright and floating around him. There was more of them now, more toys and teddy bears. He managed to turn around a bit, feeling a manageable pain on his chest. Youngho almost tried to pull off the medical shirt he had, to see why did it hurt, but a soft voice stopped his track, making Youngho to look up. 

 

“What are you doing, hyung? You need to be upright, or you're going to burst out, and not in laughter, believe me” The playful voice of Donghyuck was tinted with a bit of worry, but he was smiling at the older, like if Donghyuck’s preoccupations washed away while looking at Youngho. “You know, you worried us all! You need to apologize to the dreamies, they cried because they thought that you wouldn't wake up again! Buy them hamburgers… Treat them somewhere when you get better!”

 

Before Youngho could answer Haechan, he got up from the sofa he was using and went to the door, opening it softly, wanting to not bother the older. He went out the room, sniffling apparently, and he  let the other members inside the hospital room, all of them relieved, but with tired, droopy eyes. Their looks were even worse than a 4-week comeback promotion. 

 

“Johnny, we were so worried-... Don't do that ever again! If you’re dying then tell the manager at least, what would the fans do without you?” Doyoung exclaimed with the softest voice he could do in that environment. He was obviously pissed off about the bad decision his hyung made.

 

Jaehyun talked after Doyoung, with a sweet, reassuring voice. “What Doyoung mean… is, what would  **_us_ ** do without you, hyung.” Doyoung groaned and blushed brightly, his face redder than Donghyuck’s hair in  <Limitless>. 

 

“Taeyong needed some sleep on a bed, better than sleeping in the waiting room, but I already sent him a message, when he wakes up he will probably come here again…” Taeil grabbed one of the teddy bears and put it in the arms of Youngho, also trying to accommodate him better, worried about the big stitch crossing his broad chest. 

 

Mark and Winwin helped Taeil, both with teary eyes, not wanting to talk. They wanted to scream at Youngho, but it was not the time. They both kissed his cheeks and went outside with Donghyuk, who was probably swearing at Youngho.

 

The last one to say something was Yuta, first he sweared at him in Japanese, it was obvious that <このやろ> was a swearing, they said it usually on the anime Winwin and Yuta were watching the last time he saw them. Then, Yuta hugged Youngho by his neck, sniffling loudly, with big tears streaming down his face. “I can't you tried to leave us, hyung! You're an asshole! Taeil hyung was so shocked, he couldn't even speak about it… He just screamed for help and we broke the bathroom door-…” The hiccups made the stomach of Youngho twist with guilt, looking down. He never wanted to upset anyone, but there he was, bearing scolding after scolding, about what he had done.  **_Even if he couldn't remember, he felt guilty_ ** . 

 

“I'm sorry to you all… but… What did happen to me? I… I can't remember at all” Both Yuta and Taeil stared at each other. Yuta pulled away from him, crossing his arms, grumbling about Youngho being a stupid hyung.

 

Taeil, with his sweet and tender voice answered his questions, slowly approaching Youngho, until his tender hands caressed Youngho's soft hair. Taeil talked about concern, about Youngho's strong figure disappearing and becoming slender and bony, about his light dimming. About the confrontation inside the bathroom, the screams about death, the floor dirty with blood and withered petals. About how Youngho lost consciousness inside his arms. About the trip to the hospital, the doctor telling to the whole group about Youngho's condition, the risk his operation had because the roots of the plant killing him were holding onto his heart and lungs, and it was a hard process to extract them without damage. The risk of him dying while the doctors tried to save him.

 

He also explained about the disease, unrequited love killing him slowly, and something clicked in Youngho's mind, remembering all the times he threw up petals, skipping meals because he felt like he couldn't breath, sleepless nights of crying in silence, wanting to know **_when_ ** would he die, because he was tired, but his decision was absolute. About not wanting to forget his love for…

  
  


_ For who? _

  
  


He couldn't remember who was the person who made him get in that situation, who did not reciprocated his feelings. He couldn't blame that person, but at least he wanted to know who was he… Or she.

 

“Also, the doctor told us you won't remember about the love you felt, the person involved too, so we don't know who was it… But we know he's from the dorm, believe me” Taeil added, laughing softly, trying to lighten up the mood inside the room. Yuta left when he started to explain it all to Youngho, wanting to unhear all the crucial things about the condition of the older. 

 

“Maybe that’s why I wanted to… die, I was too bland to… forget something so precious as love. But I’m still here thanks to you, hyung.” Youngho tried to smile for his hyung, but something deep inside him, knew that the situation was upsetting. His decision was, die with his love intact, and he was a words man, whenever he decided something, he would do it to the letter. But Taeil interfered with his promise with himself. He felt somehow betrayed… glad that he was alive, but still hurt. He looked at the gap between the hospital gown and his body and let a loud yelp, staring at the big stitch now that he could. 

He looked back at Taeil, holding onto his arm. “I--...  **_what the fuck_ ** . How could I be glad about being alive? I don’t remember why did I loved this person, I don’t know  **_shit_ ** and also, I can’t be with my bare chest on public now, this scar is-.... horrible, I hate it. Everyone’s going to hate me, I tried to… leave my fans, and I’m sure you guys hate me too now-....” Something shut his mouth up, something soft… The hand of his hyung, staring at him with an obvious anger. 

 

He sometimes witnessed Taeil went mad about something, his patience wasn’t unlimited, but he never saw… that kind of face. The disappointment, anger and sadness mixed together in a poisonous cocktail. “Youngho, don’t talk like that again. Ever. Did you look at all the gifts you’ve got from fans, from us, from sunbaes, even Soo Man himself sent you a basket full of fruit for when you wake up. Because we all… we hoped that you’ll wake up and smile at us as always-.... I hoped that you would never tell me those words again, < _ I want to die _ > or < _ I’m expecting death _ > …. because that really hurt me… that I didn’t noticed before, about what have you been through.” 

 

“I hope you can get those negative thoughts out of your head, because you’re really precious to everyone. Especially me… Since… I don’t know if it could happen to me too, I’m going to be blunt.”

 

“I love you, Youngho. I don’t want you to leave this world without knowing that I really love you, you are so special, so talented and you deserve the world. Your scar is a proof that you’re still alive, and it’s so beautiful, just like you.”

  
  


Youngho couldn’t believe a single thing. 

 

He couldn’t.

 

He loved someone else… but that love was extinguished along with his disease. 

 

Then why was his heart fluttering? His eyes watering? What about his trembling hands holding onto Taeil, closer than ever, wanting him to take the air inside his lungs with hugs, not with roots and petals. He wanted to live again, to be happy and joyful again. 

 

Yes, he betrayed his own principles. But at least, he felt secured and loved. 

 

“I don’t think I can reciprocate your feelings now--... But I can give it a try. Let’s date, hyung… I want to be better for you, because you believe in me.”

 

Youngho hoped for a better tomorrow. 

 

Hoped for the fans to love his scar, because it was a proof of him still being alive, walking on Earth. 

 

He also hoped for the members to forgive his actions. He wanted to protect them, not them protecting him.

 

Youngho hoped the best for  **_*******_ ** , hoping he found love, and he’s happy with his special person. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Outside the room, in the corridor, Taeyong felt something squeeze his chest while he was listening to Taeil’s confession. 

  
  


He coughed with Youngho’s answer. 

  
  


And a single red petal came out his mouth. Falling to the floor with a terrifying grace. 


End file.
